Splitting Up

You go your way and I’ll go mine and ne’er the twain shall meet is all well and good if you live in a large metropolis. But here, in Ireland, where everyone knows everyone else it’s slightly more difficult. This is the land of connections and inter-relations - I didn’t say a word about in-breeding! Where your cousin’s granny is my aunt’s sister in law and the man who fixed the drains, funnily enough, was married to the woman next door but one, before she divorced him and hitched up with that fellow from Sallynoggin. So when you say goodbye to the guy who was the man of your dreams or the girl who absorbed your every waking hour, don’t be surprised to see them two days later at a friend’s party, or in the very pub you’d arranged to see your mates.

Breaking up can be extraordinarily painful and for a time the thought of bumping into your ex would be enough to bring you out in a rash but most of us settle down, realise it was not meant to be, and get over it. Our friends, however, often feel they have to protect their buddy, have to take sides and decide to invite EVERYONE to a gig or a party – EVERYONE except you. Small island thinking in a modern world drives me nuts!

When Joanne found herself single once again after a traumatic break-up she was handed a copy of Get Over Your Break-up by Nicci Talbot and Denise Robertson but there was nothing in it about how other people would react to her separation and their reaction was perhaps the most difficult part to handle. There are tips on how to handle your emotions, your loneliness, feelings of regret and anger, and eventual forgiveness. But there’s nothing on friends taking sides, giving you the cold shoulder and leaving you out on the sidelines of a social life that you thought would be there to catch you when you fall.

My ex and I were very civilized – eventually – and even now, years and years later, we may not be the best of friends but we do recognise a shared past and the fact that we did, once upon a time, love each other. Breaking up is so very hard to do, so allow your friends some breathing room, and let the great world spin without further ado.